Why Valentine’s Day is the worst holiday

Dear Readers,

Given that Valentine's Day is next Tuesday, I'd like my readers to consider what Valentine's Day really means to them, not what the media and product marketers would like you to think it means.

Therefore, today's column will focus on Valentine's Day — the holiday I could possibly dislike the most. Some say I am anti-Valentine's Day, but in actuality, I see myself as a realist, and I have three really big problems with this holiday.

The first problem I have with this holiday (or rather the marketers of this holiday) is how it can make many people feel bad if they don't have a partner. Those of you without a partner next Tuesday are probably painfully aware of what I am talking about.

Our society is set up in such a way that single people feel like losers on Valentine's Day. Those individuals with a partner are making plans for the most romantic evening of the year, frantically searching for the perfect gift or dreaming about what their partner might surprise them with. And there you are, single, alone, no date, no gift to buy, no gift to receive.

I have known many a person who stayed in an unhappy relationship just to "get through" Valentine's Day. Imagine you are in a romantic relationship, but you don't really like the person. You stay with him or her so you can celebrate the only holiday devoted to actually liking someone romantically. How does that make any sense?

Unfortunately, society is very focused on coupledom. So for those of you who aren't in a relationship, rejoice. Rejoice that you aren't expected to partake in the most sexist of holidays, which is the second problem I have with Valentine's Day.

I see Valentine's Day as a sexist holiday where all of the marketing is directed at men, pressuring them to come up with the perfect gift to express their feelings for their girlfriend/wife. If you don't believe me, check out the article on Shine from Yahoo, titled "Six Mistakes Men make on Valentine's Day."

This holiday is heterosexist as well, because it assumes that all couples are heterosexual.

For the most part, Valentine's Day is all about men spending money on women. The pressure on these men to get just the right gift is really quite unfair. Why aren't women supposed to be expressing their feelings for their boyfriend/husband from the bottom of their wallets?

The vast majority of products being over-marketed this time of year are products for women. Yes, I know, there are a few advertisements for silk boxers, but if this truly was a unisex holiday, we would be seeing specific Valentine's advertisements for products stereotypically coveted by men — for example, tools, electronics and home repair — similar to the marketing we see at Father's Day.

But we don't. What we do see are products being advertised that supposedly women love — similar to the marketing we see at Mother's Day. I checked the advertising in Sunday's Gazette Times, and the ads for Michael's, Target, Wal-Mart, Kmart, Rite Aid, Walgreen's and Fred Meyer marketed their Valentine's products as flowers, candy, jewelry and perfume, suggesting that all women (and only women) love these products. The only exceptions were some men's cologne and boxer shorts. Fred Meyer Jewelers had a 20-page insert that had one-page of men's watches and one-third of a page of men's rings. Everything else was marketed for women.

What about all the women who don't care about those things? And yes, these women do exist.

Worse yet, there are endless advertisements for lingerie, which is obviously a gift for him and not her. Have you ever worn any of these ridiculous get-ups? Talk about uncomfortable, impractical and designed for Barbie. For the most part, lingerie turns women into sex objects instead of sex partners.

The final problem I have with this holiday is that it suggests it is mandatory to show love and affection (using our purchasing power) for our partner this one particular day of the year, but the other 364 days, it doesn't matter.

If you plan on having a successful, long-term relationship, this is not the approach to take.

It is much more important, even vital for the success of the relationship, that you show your partner how much you care for them by respecting them, enjoying their company and making an effort to make their life more pleasant and better because you are in it.

How romantic is the man who buys his wife a $5,000 necklace for Valentine's Day and spends the other 364 days out of the year paying little attention to her?

How romantic is the woman who gets angry and disappointed with her husband because he bought her daisies and Hershey's kisses when she wanted roses and Godiva chocolates?

These people neither love nor respect their partners.

Love cannot be expressed through a purchase. Love is expressed in thoughts, feelings and deeds that occur daily, not on one over-commercialized day of the year.

The perfect gift comes from the heart, not the wallet.

Kathleen M. Greaves, Ph.D