OSU fancode, Part I: LaMike to the 49ers

For some, being a fan of a team can be like a religion.

There are certain rules you should always follow — certain guidelines to live by.

But I’ve realized that some of these rules, some of these guidelines, are not set in stone.

As a member of Beaver Nation, what exactly are your responsibilities? What guidelines should you follow?

Two things in particular happened last week that brought this to my attention.

First, I learned that an Oregon State student I knew to be a Duck fan was running for a position in ASOSU. I wanted to write a column about this — you know, calling the kid an idiot and telling people not to vote for him.

A columnist anti-endorsing a candidate because of his rooting interests? Absurd, I know.

But it’s no more absurd than a student at OSU openly admitting that he likes the school in the hell-hole-of-a-town that’s 45 minutes south of here.

As an OSU student, you should absolutely never — under any circumstance — root for the green and yellow (and, similarly, you cannot elect a student who can not follow this simple rule to an ASOSU position).

The fact that this man lost by 201 votes (out of 1377) means that 588 people voted for a Duck fan.

Granted, a lot of those people may not have known this man was a Duck fan, but I know for a fact that some of them did.

This should disturb many people.

Do these platypuses honestly think they can get away with being a platypus (or voting for a platypus)?

So that was the first thing.

The second thing occurred Friday, when the San Francisco 49ers drafted former Oregon running back LaMichael James in the second round of the NFL Draft.

For some reason, I’ve always known Corvallis to be infested with too many 49er fans. I don’t know why — maybe it’s because they’re the closest professional football team (let’s be honest, the Seahawks don’t count) — but whatever.

True to form, my Twitter timeline blew up with upset OSU students (or graduates) as soon as LaMichael got drafted.

One simply tweeted, “No.”

Another tweeted, “The second worst day of my life happened with one draft pick. This is some sort of cracked-out dream.”

My roommate, coincidentally a Beaver-49er himself, sat there in disbelief.

I wasn’t sure whether to laugh at or console those affected.

Then, I placed myself in their shoes. How would I react if a player I vehemently, sometimes violently, spent the last three years rooting against got drafted by the professional team I loved?

And that’s when I decided it was time to release this column.

There should be a rule-book, I thought. A fanhood Bible for OSU students to follow. A code to live by — no exceptions.

In the past, we at The Barometer have covered basic fan rules — you know, don’t storm the field after beating a USC team that entered the game unranked (act like you’ve been there before, damn it), and never root for Oregon.

But this column will take things to new depths.

Consider this the sports version of “Dr. Sex,” which runs each Wednesday in the forum section of The Barometer. Only this will be 10 times more insightful and 10 times less talked about.

Each Wednesday for the rest of the term, I’ll address a variety of issues or dilemmas you may face as a fan — all specific to OSU.

By the end of this month-long experiment, hopefully you all will be better fans.

Without further ado, I’ll dive into week one’s topic: What to do if your favorite professional team drafts a Duck.

For this entry, I’ll use the LaMichael to San Francisco example — though these rules should apply to all similar scenarios.

First things first — stay true to your strongest ties.

If you are only kind-of-sort-of a 49er fan, and you are not actually from the Bay Area, yet you’re a student at OSU (or a graduate), then you root against LaMichael at all times no matter what. If it’s 4th and goal with the Super Bowl on the line and Alex Smith turns to hand the ball to LaMichael, you absolutely must hope he gets stuffed in the backfield (or better yet, fumbles).

On the contrary, if you have been a 49er fan since the day you were born and actually are from the Bay Area (and not just a bandwagon fan who became a fan because you bought a Jerry Rice jersey when you were five), yet you didn’t (or don’t) actually go to OSU — you just like the Beavs and don’t like the Ducks — then your strongest tie is to San Francisco, and therefore, you should treat LaMichael just like you treat any other 49er. Welcome him to the family.

If you fall under one of the two above categories, then it’s pretty cut and dry. If you’re somewhere in between, that’s when it gets tricky.

Let’s say that you grew up in the Bay Area, have been a 49er fan since the day you were born, and you are also a diehard Beaver.