Romaine for Heisman
Grady Garrett: men’s/women’s soccer, men’s basketball, softball beat reporter; columnist
QB - Hundley: 13
RB - Sankey: 10
RB - Woods: 14
WR - Cooks: 36
WR - Strong: 0
FLEX - Treggs: 3
FLEX - Poole: 5
TE - Seferian-Jenkins: 8
K - Romaine: 7
D/ST - USC: 5
Brandin Cooks, what is wrong with you?!?! I take you with the first overall pick of the draft, yet you can’t do enough to prevent my team from getting blown out by 44?!?!
Ha. Just kidding. Obviously.
It would have been tough for my team to follow up its 173-point outburst last week with something similar this week, so I won’t hold my team’s subpar performance (minus Cooks, who was once again exceptional) against them. They’ve proven what they’re capable of.
I will say I’m glad I got blown out and didn’t lose by, say, three points because then I would have had to change my team name.
If this league didn’t have a rule requiring you to have three Beavers on your team at all times (which makes it near-impossible to trade), I would try to work out a blockbuster deal for Sean Mannion. Because Mannion and Cooks together would probably make any team unbeatable, and would make Oregon State games even more enjoyable than they already are.
There’s a Storm Brewing 3-1
Andrew Kilstrom: sports editor, football, baseball, wrestling beat reporter; columnist
QB - Mariota: 33
RB - Marshall: 42
RB - Ward: 18
WR - Mullaney: 7
WR - Huff: 13
FLEX - Lee: 1
FLEX - James: 0
TE - Smith: 9
K - Oliver: 5
D/ST - Stanford: 17
What, did you really think I was going to lose two weeks in a row? C’mon, I’ve scored the most points this year and have the best team.
I’m starting to think I’d be a better quarterback than whoever USC throws out there on any given weekend, so I think I’m going to finally ditch Marqise Lee, and I’m just now realizing Jordon James isn’t even playing, so I’ll make a switch there.
That should be scary for everyone else ... I’m going to be even better. And I play Mitch next week. My response to this? HAHAHA.
I’m going to steamroll him. You still haven’t won? I know De’Anthony is hurt and my guy Byron Marshall is killing it, but this could get out of hand if you’re not careful.
Right now I’m the second-coming of Phil Jackson and you’re closer to Isiah Thomas. If I lose next week I’ll be seriously embarrassed. Warner is good and Grady is at least respectable, but Mitch has been pretty bad.
I won’t be the first to lose to the winless team. I’ll be 4-1 after next week.
And as for Warner? You’re shaking in your boots you’re so scared. You couldn’t be more scared if Jadeveon Clowney was coming at you unblocked. Also, it will be #LillardTime shortly. #HYFR
Obum Goes the Dynamite
Warner Strausbaugh: editor-in-chief, football columnist
QB - Mannion: 35
RB - Carey: 29
RB - Gaffney: 29
WR - Evans: 9
WR - Richardson: 18
FLEX - Madden: 0
FLEX - Brown: 3
TE - Coyle: 13
K - Furney: 8
D/ST - Oregon State: 15
This is starting to feel like deja vu.
Andrew and I running the table.
Grady overachieving and hanging around for a while.
That wasn’t really fair to Grady. He was in last year’s championship until my man Ka’Deem Carey torched Colorado for more than 50 fantasy points.
I did a little number-crunching for you guys. Andrew has averaged 123 fantasy points per game in the first four weeks. I’m in second with 121. Grady is in third with 108.5. And Mitch is unsurprisingly in last with 99.75 (and no, I didn’t want to round up).
The key thing to notice is that in week two, I tanked the matchup with so many players on byes. I scored 50 points. Take that total out, and in my three wins, I’m averaging a cool 145.
Sean Mannion has looked more like Peyton Manning each week in fantasy. The combination of Mannion, my running back corps and the always-underrated Paul Richardson is looking terrifying.
Even Andrew, through all his trash talk, admitted he’s scared of my team. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he edits that out and puts in “Andrew is the only team that scares me #HYFR #hashtag #LillardTime.”
Cummings up Roses
Mitch Mahoney: football, women’s basketball, men’s/women’s golf beat reporter
QB - Kelly: 38
RB - Grice: 36
RB - Thomas: 0
WR - Montgomery: 5
WR - Harper: 9
FLEX - Hatfield: 2
FLEX - Cummings: 1
TE - Hamlett: 0
K - D’Amato: 5
D/ST - Oregon: 15
This made-up game is killing my soul.
Week after week I have to relive and retell my horrible weekend.
I have to detail how inept my own team is and how I pine for my opponent’s roster.
Because really, all of this can be boiled down to De’Anthony Thomas. If he was healthy and putting up Byron Marshall’s stats, I’d be killing. You know, like Andrew has been.
I drafted Thomas with the fifth overall pick.
Prior to me drafting him, he was having a great year. Then the very first time he’s a part of my team he goes and sprains his ankle on the opening kickoff of the game.
I’ve kept him on my team because of the potential he has, but he’s just not healthy.
So once again, for the fourth week in a row, I get zero points from the former Heisman hopeful.
Andrew, on the other hand, has been riding Marshall’s production pretty much all year.
Marshall scored 42 points this week?
Sounds about right.
No, I’m not bitter.