Even without the flash, OSU still better than U of O

You’d think I should be at the University of Oregon right now.

I am a journalist. The University of Oregon has the state’s sole journalism school.

My best friend from the Marines ended up going there when he got out. I decided I wasn’t going to attend there.

Green has been my favorite color since I was 4 years old. I own no Duck shirts.

Sometimes you end up embracing arbitrary loyalties and hold unfounded biases. You could say my attending Oregon State University makes no sense, considering my chosen profession, and the friends I could have had down there. But then, going to that other school south of here never crossed my mind.

OSU is just better than U of O. Our campus is better, our students are better, our fans are better and our university is better.

OSU’s campus is beautiful, with its historic and modern buildings stretching across 400 acres. Think we made that up? On Nov. 17, the Oregonian found OSU’s campus better than that soggy home to the webfoots south of here. What would The Oregonian have to lose by making such a statement? Absolutely nothing, which is why they are right.

Want to call us little brother? Think again. Our university is older. That’s right. We were making Oregon a better state while your school was still a cow pasture. OK, we went through a couple of name changes, but we still got you beat by a few years.

Yes, we have a College of Agriculture. And that does mean that sometimes campus smells like agriculture. But that college also happens to be one of the best agriculture schools in the country. Does your school have its own sheep herd, meat processing facility, brewery, vineyard or cheese? No, it doesn’t. We also invented the Marischino cherry. You’re welcome.

We have our own forest, north of Corvallis, where the College of Forestry performs research. Matthew Knight Arena may have the outline of trees on its floorboards, but it sure as heck does not have a forest. Also our College of Forestry is the best in the country. Are the Ducks the best at anything? No, Stanford showed them that.

Our campus has a covered bridge, a wave laboratory and a nuclear reactor. You don’t.

Our Memorial Union looks better, you could even say presidential, since it was modeled after Monticello. We have redwoods and a tree that went to the moon. You don’t have that.

We have alumni that have done everything from win two separate unshared Nobel prizes, Linus Pauling, to be Playboy’s Playmate of the Year, Sara Jean Underwood. Your library contains no Nobel Prizes, but ours does. Speaking of prizes, how many Heisman winners have gone to Oregon?

We have a College of Engineering and a College of Pharmacy. I guess you have a Law School, but which is cooler, drugs and building things, or some dusty law books?

You know that football stadium you have? Well, the only reason you have it is because OSU alumnus Thomas Autzen took pity on you all and gave some of his fortune to his son so you could have one. You’re welcome.

And then there is the fact that more Oregonians attend OSU. And not just any Oregonians, smarter ones. More valedictorians from Oregon high schools end up here than at your school. Have fun UC Eugene.

OSU impacts more Oregonians, too. With extension service offices in every county, the university brings the research done here in Corvallis out to the people so they can benefit. So, you can have fun in your ivory tower down there, pensively considering whatever it is you all do when you aren’t crying over losing football games, and we’ll continue serving the people of the state.

And then there’s the big kicker: We’re going to make more than you will when you graduate. Last year, a study found, on average, OSU grads make more than grads from any other public university in the state. So have fun with your cinema studies, journalism or folklore degrees. We’ll be rolling around in our fortunes. Except for me of course, since I’ll be working in journalism.

And then there is the question of school newspapers. Our newspaper won the Society of Professional Journalists Mark of Excellence award last year for best all-around daily student newspaper in the region. You didn’t. We get no training, we get paid less than you and we still make a better paper. And we do it five days a week. Granted the Emerald looks cool, but much like your football team, all the flash, distraction and pretty costumes still can’t make up for good old fashioned hard work, which ends up with OSU beating Oregon at a game OSU should lose. Which shouldn’t be surprising, considering Beavers are the hardest working animals in nature. What do Ducks do besides poop on everything, anyway?