Be honest, don’t fake your orgasm

People enjoy receiving verbal confirmation for a job well done. Regardless of who it’s from, these words can instantaneously instill someone with pride and inspiration while elevating their feelings of self worth.

Praise from an athletic coach after a good catch or an encouraging phrase from a professor after an exceptional exam score is satisfying.  However, there is no denying many people in committed relationships adore getting positive affirmation for actions resulting in your partner’s pleasure.

Sex and sexual acts are components of most adult relationships, as well as a basic human drive. It establishes a physical and emotional connection with another person that should, in theory, possess pleasure parity. Sadly, oftentimes this is not the case.  
According to NBC News, males reach their sexual climax 75 percent of the time while the female counterpart only recorded a dismal 29 percent.

In 2011, Dr. Gayle Brewer of the University of Central Lancashire conducted a small sample survey of 71 heterosexual women between the ages of 18 and 48. A resounding 80 percent of these ladies admitted making pleasure sounds (such as moaning and groaning) when they actually weren’t feeling any sexual pleasure whatsoever.

Is this a gesture of well wishing? Is it strong hearted or polite? Frankly, coming from the opposing perspective, it feels a lot like receiving a participation ribbon after a last place finish in a pin wood derby race. This “pat on the back and thanks for playing” sytem doesn’t remove the sting of a lackluster performance — it just disguises it.  
While one party may become engulfed with a sense of achievement, it is the fakers who endure the unfortunate burden of unrelieved sexual tension.

I am certain a few of us have had a sexual experience which was a tad uncomfortable, awkward or just plain hurt. For most, instead of blatantly telling someone what he or she is doing is unpleasant, the continued counterfeit fakes it until his or her partner reaches a climax.  
According to Psychology Today writer Noam Shpancer, males rely heavily on the indirect feedback from females in the form of vocalization. Plain and simple, female arousal is much more difficult to interpret and thus can be easily fabricated. It’s pretty hard for a male to fake an erection.

Communication is a crucial component in any fully functional relationship. The bedroom is no different. It may not be ideal or commendable to tell your lover mid thrust that what they are doing is stroppy. Waiting until an opportune time to discuss bedroom preferences may be the path of least resistance. Bear in mind, after successfully falsifying one orgasm, that will make it easier to do so for subsequent ones.  As St. Augustine so wisely stated, “Habit, if not resisted, soon becomes a necessity.”

Beyond that, usually someone is under the assumption he or she is performing exceptionally well due to the shrieks and moans being spewed from a faker. This conveys misinformation that the sexual activity is pleasing and should be continually repeated. This slippery slope could cause someone who repeatedly fakes it to never reach orgasm.  
Nobody knows your body better than yourselves. You can’t just wander around blindfolded at the party and expect to pin the tail on the donkey. You can’t tell a single good one-liner at a house party and expect to be be the next Bill Murray. You can’t go wandering in Big Bear and expect to find Christopher Dorner. It takes knowledge and rehearsal to become exceptional at any trait.

Although it may seem harsh when you procure it in your head, telling someone what they are doing right and wrong will permit them to focus on the things that truly make you feel orgasmic. Sex based on lies and deceit will quickly become monotonous and dreadful. A fake orgasm is just a desolate experience when comparing to a real orgasm. Charlene Muehlenhard, a professor of clinical psychology at University of Kansas in Lawrence, sums sexual activity communication perfectly: “I think that in general, honesty is the best policy.”

So speak up, be heard and get yours.


Kyle Hart is a senior in psychology. The opinions expressed in his columns do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Barometer staff. Hart can be reached at forum@dailybarometer.com.